Light-bulb Moment...

     Tuesday night I went over to a friends' house and watched part one of a webinar about mothering. I don't remember what it was called (if I don't write stuff like that down, there is no hope for me recalling the details later) but it was helpful.
     One of the parts that resonated with me was when she mentioned understanding your childrens' God-given personalities. And after understanding them, learning how to cultivate them.
     I should say that my son Anthony is not a difficult child. He is an outgoing, smart, relatively obedient and sweet little boy. Even though this is true, there are times I have thought to myself, "I just don't understand him. I don't get it. Why does he need to talk so much? And constantly? And why is he so particular about things? Why does he get so upset if I do something in a different order than he is expecting?" There are days that we just do not connect, because I feel like I cannot get in to his headspace.
     Well, today I found a temperament/personality test for children that is based on the good ol' Myers-Briggs test.

Here is the link to the test: Children's Temperament/Personality Test

As I read the results, I had a light-bulb moment. My son and I are complete opposites.

He is an ESTJ.
This website describes ESTJs:

"With both Thinking and Extraversion together, this is the most decisive, and action-oriented of the four SJ types.  ESTJs are highly motivated to get things done, and focused on outcomes from an early age.  They are clear, self-confident communicators.  As they mature, they may be somewhat judgmental with others who do not meet their standards, especially if all four of these Preferences are strong."

About the SJ temperament in childhood it says:

"One SJ trait that turns up early in the SJ child is a liking for predictability and structure.  Although all children will push against rules for bedtime, chores, and other adult expectations, the little SJ will show less resistance than any other temperament.  As they grow it becomes clear that they thrive in a well organized home and are often stressed in chaotic situations.  Parents find that SJ children tend to finish what they start, keep possessions orderly, and as they mature, become self-starting for chores and homework--in many ways a parent’s dream!"

 Wow. That is wonderful to know. But this could not be further from who I am. This helps me understand why, even though he is not a difficult child, he is difficult for me. Admittedly there have been a few teary evenings spent wondering, "Why can't I get my head around this? He is not a difficult child, what am I not understanding?" 

    Well, I am an INFP. Literally the complete opposite. So, I have to figure out how to get my day-dreamy, idealistic, spontaneous, head-in-the-clouds self to be disciplined enough to create the structure, and predictability he needs and thrives under. How do I cultivate his need for structure, linear thinking, and love for learning? And most importantly, how can I help him develop his strengths for God's purpose and glory? I have no idea yet, but I am thankful to have something more to add to the puzzle of knowing my children. And I have identified an area that I can pray for change in myself and ways to show grace to them.

     As a start, I can be more aware of instances in which I attempt to turn him in to someone who acts like me.  That would be trying to get him to be everything he is not, which is a completely unfair expectation to have.
     Let him talk to strangers passing by. Happily allow him talk my ear off for the half-hour before bed about every single thought he had that day (most of which he has already expressed to me, in the moment he had those thoughts!), instead of shushing him. He needs to get it out. He is an extravert!  
     Notice when he takes a last minute schedule change in stride and commend him for it. Be more intentional in preparing him for transitions, and give more grace when he does not handle them well. Memorize scripture, and start (and FINISH) projects together.

Lord, please continue to give me grace as I get to know the little boys you have blessed us with. Help me to show them Your love, even when I do not understand their motives or actions. Help me to create a home where they feel loved and accepted, and above everything else give me eyes to see the ways to help them understand Your truth above all else.